hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Randomize
