haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
