Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
