The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
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