my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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