oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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