It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
