after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
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