i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
