cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
