I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Randomize
