I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
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I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
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It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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