How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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