i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
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I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
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What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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