im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
