Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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