Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Randomize
