I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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