woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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