I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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