I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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