I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
