im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
