i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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