My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
