Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
