You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
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I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
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You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
We smell like vodka and hangover
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