worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
