My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
