Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
