At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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