somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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