Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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