i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
