omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Come see our sink grown plant.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
