i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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