I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize