Umm I'm too high to move.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Holy sore nipples Batman
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
