I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
