booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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