Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I AM VODKA MAN
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
