There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
