Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
