Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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