If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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