Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
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