Moan for me like Helen Keller
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
