I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
