Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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