Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
