Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
