i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Randomize
