did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Come see our sink grown plant.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
