Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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