Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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