Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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