I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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