Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
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