Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Randomize
