I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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