I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Randomize