we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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