My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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