She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
