We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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