Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
