I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
