Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
