Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
