at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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