I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
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They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
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