So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
