my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
