The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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