Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Dignity is for republicans.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Can I color on your dick again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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