dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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