Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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