i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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