I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
