ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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