The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
