I'm really into asian looking animals
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
