My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Randomize
