My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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