Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
