God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
